How To Get Through Pesky Pocket Doors

Today's "How To" tutorial is brought to you by Charley.

I discovered last night that I can open pocket doors! Yay, me! If you ever feel the need to go exploring but can't get through, just follow my 7 easy steps.

Step 1: Use paw to rattle pocket doors to open them just a bit. Step back, in case the noise has gotten the attention of the hoomans.

Step 2: Use nose to push open door farther.

Step 3: Repeat Step 2 on the other door.

Step 4: Check to make sure the coast is clear.

Step 5: Lick nose.

Step 6: Look cute, just in case the hoomans are watching.

Step 7: Freedom! Be sure to keep head low so as to not alert the hoomans.

My Experience with Customer Service

So here is how I imagined the call going with the customer service department of the previously-mentioned salad maker.

Me: Um. Hi. I found a bee in my salad.

Customer Service: OMG we are so sorry about that! How can we make it up to you?

Me: You can give me free salads for life!

CS: Oh, we would be glad to!

Me: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

But in reality, the conversation would probably go more like this:

CS: We're very sorry that you had a non-conforming product. Can you give us the [blah, blah, blah boring stuff about the lot number and whatever]?

Me: Sure! So can I get free salads for life?

[long, long pause]

CS: No, I'm sorry we cannot do that. We are happy to refund you your money and send you a coupon for a free salad.

Me: But what if I contract a bee disease? Will you pay my medical bills?

[silence]

Me: Hello?

CS: Please just tell me your address so we can send you a refund and a coupon.

Me: Will you also send me a letter guaranteeing you will pay my medical bills should I contract a bee disease?

[crickets chirping]

Me: I mean, I have a blog! I will expose your inadequacies!

CS: How many readers do you have?

Me: Um, 3. I think.

CS: [laughing maniacally] Good luck with that!

[click]

The End.

(Note: I am actually playing phone tag with the Customer Service Department. Apparently, they don't have a full-time staff to answer consumer phone calls. Jeez. But I will let you know how it goes because I'm sure there is nothing more important than finding out the end of this epic tale.)

What. The. Heck.

True story.

Yesterday, I found a bee (I think it is a bee, but it was covered with salad dressing so who knows?) in my prepackaged salad from the grocery store. And at first I was all like, "Ewwwwwwwwww. Gross!" But then I ate the rest of the salad anyway because I was so hungry and at that point the bee had already contaminated my salad so I didn't think there was any harm in finishing it.

I'm totally contacting the salad maker because as far as I'm concerned I should get free salads for the rest of my life because I've probably contracted some sort of bee disease that I don't even know exists and I'm probably going to die soon, in which case they won't be out much money for the free salad they will be providing me with for the remainder of my very short life.

What do you think? Is it a bee? Please tell me it's a bee and not some other insect that's going to give me a disease that will even further shorten my life span.

Thank you,
Little Miss This and That

P.S. In the event that I don't die, I will let you know what happens with my complaint to the salad maker, who I won't name, unless they do not give me free salads for life.

New to Me

This isn't a sign you'll see on the shores of California. It's really too bad, because I really want to see some little penguins. Maybe not the breeding so much though. I think I can do without that, thankyouverymuch.

* Note: This is another photo from Sis's trip to Australia.

A Sunset Says What?

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
-Jack Handy

Okay, so this is a little bit of a different take from the quotes I usually post, but I needed a laugh today, and this was one of the first quotes I came across. And I realize that this blog needs a little dose of humor sometimes.

I don't have a flamingo in all his glory (you know, with the rose and the painting) flying across the sky of this photo, and I thought about putting one in, and then I realized I don't have a picture of a flamingo, let alone one holding all that stuff, so I'm just going to leave the picture as is. So if you do see a flamingo with a rose and a painting, then you might just be drunk. I'm just sayin'.