My Experience with Customer Service

So here is how I imagined the call going with the customer service department of the previously-mentioned salad maker.

Me: Um. Hi. I found a bee in my salad.

Customer Service: OMG we are so sorry about that! How can we make it up to you?

Me: You can give me free salads for life!

CS: Oh, we would be glad to!

Me: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

But in reality, the conversation would probably go more like this:

CS: We're very sorry that you had a non-conforming product. Can you give us the [blah, blah, blah boring stuff about the lot number and whatever]?

Me: Sure! So can I get free salads for life?

[long, long pause]

CS: No, I'm sorry we cannot do that. We are happy to refund you your money and send you a coupon for a free salad.

Me: But what if I contract a bee disease? Will you pay my medical bills?

[silence]

Me: Hello?

CS: Please just tell me your address so we can send you a refund and a coupon.

Me: Will you also send me a letter guaranteeing you will pay my medical bills should I contract a bee disease?

[crickets chirping]

Me: I mean, I have a blog! I will expose your inadequacies!

CS: How many readers do you have?

Me: Um, 3. I think.

CS: [laughing maniacally] Good luck with that!

[click]

The End.

(Note: I am actually playing phone tag with the Customer Service Department. Apparently, they don't have a full-time staff to answer consumer phone calls. Jeez. But I will let you know how it goes because I'm sure there is nothing more important than finding out the end of this epic tale.)